Saturday, January 29, 2005

California Myths

1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
I'm a third generation Southern Californian, and the one person I've met with a piercing (besides one in each ear) was from Colorado.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
$130,000 a year, and own a pretty nice house... 5 bed/3 bath on a quarter acre in a crime free neighborhood.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
People ride buses? Okay, that aside... The fun part is, most of us gringos know Spanish, but don't let the non-gringos know that.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
Brown hair with strands of gray, no nose ring, and was named Donna.

5. You can't remember...is pot illegal?
I can remember, it is illegal.

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
No, I haven't. Never even heard of that happening.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
Just like anyone else, I just buy whatever's on sale.

8. You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

What the dickens is arugula?

9. You can't remember.....is pot illegal?
I can remember, it's still illegal.

10. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
What??? There are great parking spaces all over, why should I cry about it?

11. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.
Okay, this is not a myth. It is true. And none of us appreciate it. If we wanted to watch news at that moment (and a low speed police pursuit is not news) we'd switch over to Fox.

12. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
It's currently $1.87 per gallon. Is it less than 88 cents where you are?

13. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.
People ride buses?? But if this happened, I'd definitely notice.

14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.
Where's "back home"? And... we don't have a Starbucks and I've never seen George Clooney (but I have seen Jeremy Irons, Steve McQueen, Tom Selleck, Heather Locklear, Michael Landon, Leonard Nimoy, Larry Hagman... you can land a LearJet at our airport... but there's not enough room to take off in one) ;o)

15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

Not even close. It's about 20% of our house payment.

16. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S&M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
My hairdresser is straight, my plumber is not gay, a man delivers my mail, and my Mary Kay rep (hi Janet) is definitely not a guy in drag.

17. You can't remember...is pot illegal?
I can remember, it is illegal.

18. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH 2005."
We had 11 inches last week, I think anyone would call that a storm.

19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.
Who's Billy Blanks? And we do Kenpo Karate here. Tae Bo is for lazy people.

20. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.
Cell phones and pagers are not allowed on campus.

21. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
We stayed home from work because Hwy 33 washed down the mountain and Hwy 126 was under 4 feet of water rushing at 12,500 gallons per minute.

22. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal????
Yes, it is!!!

23. Both you AND your dog have a therapist.
No, neither of us do. A dog is just a dog for pete's sake.

FYI - California is a lot bigger than just San Francisco and Los Angeles and not accurately portrayed by Hollywood.