Hind's Feet

Feast of Dedication - Day Four We turn from darkness to light

2011-12-23T18:49:00.000-08:00

Your eye is the lamp of your body.

When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness.

Luke 11:34

"...open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’ "

Acts 26:18

Feast of Dedication - Day Three We are lights

2011-12-22T17:59:00.000-08:00

“No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, it will be wholly bright, as when a lamp with its rays gives you light.”

Luke 11:33-36

Feast of Dedication - Day Two God's Word is our Light

2011-12-21T20:08:00.000-08:00

Your word is a lamp to my feet

and a light to my path.

Psalm 119:105

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light,
and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life...

Proverbs 6:23

Feast of Dedication - Day One The Lord is our Light

2011-12-20T21:30:00.000-08:00

The sun shall be no more

your light by day,

nor for brightness shall the moon

give you light;

but the LORD will be your everlasting light,

and your God will be your glory.

Isaiah 60:19

The LORD is my light and my salvation;

whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life;

of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:1

John 10: "At that time the Feast of Dedication took place at Jerusalem. It was winter, and Jesus was walking in the temple, in the colonnade of Solomon. So the Jews gathered around him and said to him, "How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly." Jesus answered them, "I told you, and you do not believe. The works that I do in my Father’s name bear witness about me, but you do not believe because you are not part of my flock. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one."

The Jews picked up stones again to stone him. Jesus answered them, "I have shown you many good works from the Father; for which of them are you going to stone me?" The Jews answered him, "It is not for a good work that we are going to stone you but for blasphemy, because you, being a man, make yourself God." Jesus answered them, "Is it not written in your Law, 'I said, you are gods'? If he called them gods to whom the word of God came—and Scripture cannot be broken— do you say of him whom the Father consecrated and sent into the world, 'You are blaspheming,' because I said, 'I am the Son of God'? If I am not doing the works of my Father, then do not believe me; but if I do them, even though you do not believe me, believe the works, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me and I am in the Father." Again they sought to arrest him, but he escaped from their hands.

Winter Divertissements

2011-12-09T16:21:00.001-08:00

Love this yunomi cup by a talented young potter named Marshall Sykes
The green wool is a mitten I'm knitting for Lydia.
The Rowan Colourscape yarn doesn't know what it wants to be yet... For now just "granny circles".

Tuesday Nature Studies

2011-12-06T15:30:00.000-08:00

2011-11-09T14:59:00.001-08:00

How I schedule our school day

2011-11-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

I like to do all of our family work together at the table in the morning. After lunch and a break, we start up again in the afternoon with computer time, individual work, and one-on-one moments as needed. Since we have one computer that we use for typing, Teaching Textbooks math, IXL.com (math), and ReadingEggs.com (phonics for the pre-readers/beginning readers) AND our music theory software, I have figured out a way to juggle the one and only computer, AND the one and only mama, between kidlets... I like to use Post-it tabs so I can move things around on a page and figure out who goes where and when. Here is a loose schedule of our daily routine: (Click here!) And here is a photo of how I use the Post-it tabs (oops, yes... some real names are revealed!). The end result is entered into ScheduleBreeze.com and printed out for my Home Management binder. I review and make changes as needed every two months.

Nature Studies

2011-11-01T12:07:00.000-07:00

On Tuesdays we go on Nature Walks through our woods. Today the girls were on the look-out for algae, fungi, and other nonvascular plants. If you click on the photo of the tree stump (bottom photo) you can see the fruiting body of some sort of mushroom beginning inside, along with some rain water.

The Quality of Mercy

2011-10-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice.

Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice (Act IV, Scene I)

Bronwynisms

2011-10-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was in the W.C. a moment too long, apparently, when I saw Bronwyn's fingers and golden locks appear under the door.

"Mama, can you get out?"

"No, not right now."

I hear rummaging around in a drawer in the hall.

"Bronnie, what are you doing?"

"Looking for sump-ing to get you out."

"I can get out, I'm just not ready to get out."

"Are you washing your hands?"

"Not yet."

"Mama, wash your hands right now! See if you can get out."

Later that evening I was getting ready to go out, and I couldn't find my Phillips Light Touch Hair Brush... now, this is not paid advertisement for Phillips, but this brush does not pull or hurt... it glides through tangles like slicing warm butter... so you can imagine in a houseful of girls, this brush is in high demand. Since I could not find *my* brush, I picked up a random brush I found on my nightstand (happened to be a Conair Gel Grips brush).

Bronwyn came in my room and saw me using that brush and asked "Mama, why are you using that brush?"

"Because I can't find my brush."

She leaves and returns in an instant with *my* brush. "Here, Mama, use this. That brush hurts. Don't ever use that brush again."

Of course, I obliged. That child is always looking out for me and my gray hairs.

Last night it was very chilly, and I sent Bronwyn to bed with an extra blanket... my favorite burgundy red throw to snuggle under in the evening while sitting in the living room.

This morning we woke up to several children with headaches, sore throats, and sniffles. I, myself, have a headache and fever chills, even though warmly dressed, so I asked "does anyone mind if I crank the heat up? I'm very cold."

Then I came in here to check e-mails. A moment later Bronwyn came to me and said, "I brought your red blankie downstairs. I went upstairs and got it so you can't be cold. I put it in your chair."

Bless her sweet little heart.

Peace

2011-10-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

"Because," explained the king, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace." - Sagar Parsi

Birthdays

2011-10-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

Fanny will be five in nine days. I am still trying to figure out what to give her. Any ideas? The conversations go like this....

Mama (46! Since yesterday!!): Fanny, what do you want for your birthday?

Fanny (4, for now): Penguins

Mama: You have been asking for penguins for every birthday and Christmas since your second birthday, you have a lot of penguins. What else do you want?

Fanny: A bike.

Mama: Soon there will be snow, and it will be cold riding bikes. You will get a new bike when the weather is warm again. What do you want now?

Fanny: School books.

Fursty Chickens

2011-10-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

Mary, Catherine, Lydia and I briefly discussed where the chickens were roosting as we left to go to a friend's house last night. After a minute of silence, Bronwyn (3) said....

"Chickens"

"I can say the same words you guys say."

Mama: "Yes, you can, but sometimes I can't understand your words. I'm not always sure what you mean when you say 'I vewy fursty'"

Bronwyn:"You don't know what fursty mean? Fursty mean when you fursty."

Well, I'm glad we got that clarified. Reminded me of the "what makes you sad?" conversation.

"Tears make me sad"

What makes you have tears?

"Umm... water in my eyes"

What makes you happy?

"A smile on my face"

Today's Lessons

2011-10-11T15:22:00.000-07:00

This tickles me. I "do school" with Fanny in the afternoons but often she doesn't want to wait that long, so she will quietly take her box of workbooks to the other end of the table and put herself to work. Something just tugs at my heartstrings to see a four-year-old so studious. :)

Yes, I did my nails while they were working on their workbooks. Busted! :D And Elizabeth came home from out and about and brought me a Frappacino. Don't worry, I didn't drink that big thing alone. No sooner was it in my hand when Bronwyn was looking at it longingly saying "I sursty", and she was only the first one in line. Yes, mamas must always share, mustn't we? :)

What We Use for History & Geography

2011-10-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

We follow up our Bible time with History, because we are currently using the Old Testament for our History spine and since we already have our Bibles out for Catechism, it's handy dandy and we're good to go!

We are currently in Ancient Egypt. This is our third time through Ancient Egypt in our 11 years of homeschooling as I like to rotate through history from Ancient to Modern times and back again. Each time through the children are at a different level and take away different things. Along with the Bible I use a family study handbook by Simply Charlotte Mason curriculum called "Genesis through Deuteronomy & Ancient Egypt". This handbook gives me ideas on how to expand our lesson with narration, suggests highlights to add to our timelines, and offers up some hands on activities to try.

Throughout our study of Egypt we also use the Oxford First Ancient History book, David Macaulay's enchanting book "Pyramid", and The Mystery of the Hieroglyphs, which is the story of the Rosetta Stone. Some other books we enjoy are Boy of the Pyramids, Pharaoh's Boat, Pharaoh's of Ancient Egypt, and the Newbery Award winner The Golden Goblet. Shortly after we read Pharaoh's Boat, NOVA broadcast their special Explore a Pharaoh's Boat, which largely followed the book and included online activities to complete the journey.

For the older girls I like to use Nancy E. Gantz' commentaries on the corresponding Old Testament book that we are reading. With the younger girls I sometimes read our Bible history portion from Catherine F. Vos' The Child's Story Bible.

As for Geography (and Social Studies) I like A Child's Geography by Ann Voskamp with Tonia Peckover, Uncle Josh's Outline Maps (books and/or CD), and Then and Now Bible Maps.

Four books I leave laying around on the coffee table for the girls to look through from time to time are:

Peter Menzel's Material World,
and his Hungry Planet,
and What I Eat,
and James Mollison's Where Children Sleep.

I feel these books give them some much needed perspective on the world we live in.

My next homeschool post will be about our Science and Nature Studies. :)

What We Use for Scripture Memory & Catechism

2011-10-05T14:13:00.000-07:00

Catechism isn't just for Catholics. :)

Our homeschool day starts with scripture memory time. Lydia (8) and I work together on her verses in the dining room, while Mary (11) and Catherine (10) go into the living room and work together on theirs. We set the timer for 15 minutes and, surprisingly this is sufficient! Lydia usually gets one verse down in that time, and we still have time to work on her other verses. I like to use the Scripture Memory booklets from Scripture Memory Fellowship. Even though my personal favorite translations are the ESV and the NASB 1977 version, and most of our school reading is out of the NLT, we have chosen the NKJV booklets to memorize from. For a long time I couldn't decide what translation to use for scripture memory... after all, these verses stick with you for a lifetime... but I spent so much time hemming and hawing I realized NO scripture would stick with us for a lifetime if we didn't start memorizing it, so I closed my eyes and picked one, so to speak. :)

After our scripture memory time, we roll into our Catechism time. I read from Training Hearts Teaching Minds: Family Devotions Based on the Shorter Catechism. I like this book because it is divided by days of the week, and all I have to do is read from that day's lesson. After we have read through that, the girls open up their Westminster Shorter Catechism for Kids workbooks by Caroline Weerstra. Lydia and I work through hers together, and Mary & Catherine work independently. I feel the workbooks help cement what they learned from the devotions... instead of just listening, they get to write down what they learned, and give it that little extra boost.

That's what our homeschool does for Bible. In my next homeschool post I will talk about what we use for History & Geography. :)

You Are My I Love You

2011-10-05T00:57:00.000-07:00

I am your Parent, you are my Child

I am your Quiet Place, you are my Wild

I am your Calm Face, you are my Giggle

I am your Wait, you are my Wiggle

I am your Dinner, you are my Chocolate Cake

I am your Bedtime, you are my Wide Awake

I am your Lullaby, you are my Peekaboo

I am your Goodnight Kiss, you are my I Love You

(From the book "You Are My I Love You" by Maryann Cusimano)

Fire Dresses

2011-10-02T21:10:00.000-07:00

Bronwyn (3), out of the blue, very serious, and heading off to bed: I don't like fire dresses.
Mama (45): You don't?
Bronwyn: 'Cause you spin around, and then you die.

I wonder what happens if you don't spin around?

Reality Check

2011-10-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

Just looked over at the sidebar and saw I'm only 45. Phew. I thought I was just weeks away from my 47th birthday and had the feeling time was flying way too fast!

Come Little Leaves

2011-10-01T01:25:00.001-07:00

by George Cooper

"Come, little leaves" said the wind one day,
"Come over the meadows with me, and play;
Put on your dresses of red and gold;
Summer is gone, and the days grow cold."

Soon as the leaves heard the wind's loud call,
Down they came fluttering, one and all;
Over the brown fields they danced and flew,
Singing the soft little songs they knew.

"Cricket, good-bye, we've been friends so long;
Little brook, sing us your farewell song-
Say you're sorry to see us go;
Ah! you are sorry, right well we know.

"Dear little lambs, in your fleecy fold,
Mother will keep you from harm and cold;
Fondly we've watched you in vale and glade;
Say, will you dream of our loving shade?"

Dancing and whirling the little leaves went;
Winter had called them and they were content-
Soon fast asleep in their earthly beds,
The snow laid a soft mantle over their heads.

2011-09-29T14:05:00.000-07:00

Miss Fanny (4) has been my most strong-willed four-year old ever. Each of my four year olds have required a personalized system of discipline. Some behaved with just The Look. Some behaved after some episodes of time out (though my 11 year old swears a time out is cruel and unusual punishment, and she would have preferred a quick swat to the rear "because it's over quicker, and you get the message"). But nothing has worked with Fanny. She'd taken to coming out of bed at all hours and throwing tantrums, waking the household. She'd cry "I want mama!" but she would keep up the refrain even when she got Mama, and had her right there. Nothing consoled her. She was just mad it was night time when she wanted to play.

After a few weeks of this, Bronwyn (3) began copying Fanny's showdowns. Obviously faked, but perfectly mimicked, right down to the squint of the eyes and the tilt of the frown. She arose three nights in a row, *right* after I had finally gotten Fanny calm and in bed and asleep. On the third night Fanny was still awake when Brownyn started her 2 am show. I pointed out to Fanny that Bronwyn was copying her. That she was the big sister, that Bronwyn adored her, and wanted to be just like her... and she was the one teaching Bronwyn to do this. I told her I needed her to help show Bronwyn how to behave in a nice way, but instead she was showing Bronwyn how to be a brat.

Since that speech, wonder of wonders, Miss Fanny has been angelic, even at night time. She even started using the words Please and Thank You, when in the past she has professed she cannot use those words. She now calls them happy words.

Every night before my girls go to bed, I pray with each of them, asking them what they are thankful for, for that day. Last night when I asked Bronwyn what she wanted to pray, she said "that I sleep at dark time, and that I wake up at morning". Last night I had the first uninterrupted night of sleep in ages. Bliss.

Now I completely understand the phrase "Will wonders ever cease"?

I wonder how long it will last? I will worry about that tomorrow, for tomorrow is another day. Right now I will just be THANKFUL. :)

2011-09-27T22:01:00.001-07:00

‎"Society's acceptance is a prison disguised as a palace." - Alphas

Our Home Classroom: What I will be using for Kindergarten with Fanny

2011-08-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

She will be learning good habits, like accuracy, attention, candor, cleanliness, courtesy, even temper, gentleness, kindness, modesty, neatness, obedience, order, punctuality, regularity, remembering, respect, thoroughness, and truthfulness.

She will have lots of outside play time.

We will read lots of books together, like Miss Rumphius; James Herriot; Katie Meets the Impressionists; Katie and the Mona Lisa; Katie and the Sunflowers; The Biggest Bear; Thy Friend, Obadiah; Imogene's Antlers; Now We Are Six; The Magic Hill, Little House in the Big Woods; Little House on the Prairie; Farmer Boy; On the Banks of Plum Creek; By the Shores of Silver Lake; The Long Winter; and Little Town on the Prairie.

We will spend 10-15 minutes a day on a reading lesson.

She will spend a few minutes a day writing Mama letters and Baby letters.

We will spend 10-15 minutes a day on a math lesson.

She will do useful crafts, like beading, sketching, clay sculpturing, finger painting, flower arranging, gardening, photography, pottery, rubber stamping, scrapbooking, videography, spool knitting, watercolor painting, weaving (pot holders!), cleaning mirrors and sinks, clearing the table, drying dishes, dusting, emptying trash, folding laundry, mopping, organizing, raking, sweeping, setting the table, computer skills.

Together with her sisters she will learn about the works Rembrandt, John Singer Sargent, Paul Cezanne, Edouard Manet, Diego Velazquez, and Jan van Eyck.

Together with her sisters she will listen to the compositions of Bach, Mozart, Chopin, Strauss, Tchaikovsky, and Stravinsky.

Together with her sisters she will listen to the poetry of Robert Louis Stevenson.

And she will be committing some important words to memory.

That's about it! :)

2011-07-16T02:06:00.000-07:00

I am so enjoying my Kindle! I never have to forget to bring a good book... I just bring one, and all my books are right there in it!

I just finished re-reading Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. What an encouragement to step heavenward!

Now I've moved on to Tozer, whose quotes I've always loved, but whose books I've never actually read.

In Stepping Heavenward, when Katherine is going through a crises of faith, her mama encourages her to read books written by godly men & women who have traveled the journey before her. And so... Tozer.

After losing Noah I've had a bit of a crises of faith... though I've come to a spot where I am realizing the trials in this vapor of life will someday seem so tiny, no matter how big, when we come to that day where He wipes every tear from our eyes. I don't feel losing Noah was a punishment in any way. I felt the grief, but not the anger. Yet I've had the calm knowledge I will see him again... and for some reason that knowledge has awakened a need in myself to know Him better than I have done. And strangely... not a need to know Him in order to understand Him... but a need to know Him in order to worship Him for who He truly is. A need to love Him. I know my Noah is there with Him... being loved on. And how can a mama help but love those who love and shelter their babes, when she is unable?

"The natural man must know in order to believe; the spiritual man must believe in order to know." - A.W. Tozer in The Dwelling Place of God

2011-07-16T01:12:00.000-07:00

Came home from a delightful evening with friends to find my older girls had enlisted the younger ones to tidy up my happy corner. This mess is a place! :)

2011-07-15T01:48:00.000-07:00

2011-07-15T01:39:00.000-07:00

Fill in the blanks...

2011-06-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

Outside my window.... a wall of green Ash trees.

I am thinking...this blog is awful quiet.

I am thankful for...a clean house.

I am wearing...a blue & turquoise Indian cotton maxi dress with elephants on it.

I am creating....words on a page.

I am going..shopping with Ems.

I am reading.... Heaven at Home: Establishing and Enjoying a Peaceful Home by Ginger Plowman

I am hoping.....the weather will cool a bit for the evening.

I am hearing...the dishwasher and girls giggling.

One of my favorite things... three year olds and their way of saying things.

A few plans for the rest of the week..... sending our dairy goats off to live somewhere else. Hopefully.

Noah David

2011-05-25T08:29:00.000-07:00

Today might have been Noah's birthday. If he had not gone on to Jesus, I would be 39 weeks today, and my c-section was to be scheduled at 39 weeks (my babies take longer to cook). I say "might" have been, but I know there is no "might"... God numbered our Noah's days, and they were never numbered to get this far.

For your benefit I won't post any dead baby pictures, but here is one of his sweet profile from when he was alive and kicking.

It's a rough day, because I miss him so, and my arms ache for the short moments I got to hold him. But I'm comforted to know he is truly home. With my family. With sweet Jesus, who loves him so.

(Home)School Picture Day

2010-09-14T19:15:00.000-07:00

Elisabeth "Jane" - 20

Rebecca "Elizabeth" - 19

Emma "Mary" - 10

Sarah "Catherine" - 9

Hannah "Lydia" - 7

Nella "Fanny" - 3

Bronwyn "Bronwyn" - 2

Seven Sisters

2010-02-17T21:08:00.000-08:00

I think I have born flower children. They spread rainbows wherever they go.

Fill in the blanks...

2009-11-20T15:05:00.000-08:00

Outside my window.... darkness.

I am thinking...about what's for dinner.

I am thankful for...Becca.

I am wearing...yellow tee and black pants.

I am creating....coconut toffee bars.

I am going..to look up a strawberry spinach salad recipe on my cooking blog.

I am reading.... How to Raise a Lady by Kay West

I am hoping.....dinner will appear out of thin air.

I am hearing...the dishwasher.

One of my favorite things... the quiet house at 3 am.

A few plans for the rest of the week..... home church tomorrow and birthday shopping for Steadfast.

Three!

2009-11-03T13:55:00.000-08:00

Eight

2009-09-05T13:54:00.000-07:00

Eighteen

2009-07-10T09:40:00.000-07:00

Nineteen

2009-06-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

2009-06-17T15:02:00.001-07:00

The heart of the wise inclines to the right,
but the heart of the fool to the left.

Ecclesiastes 10:2

Our lawn mowers

2009-05-09T18:09:00.000-07:00

Sokjes

2009-05-08T18:12:00.000-07:00

These are socks my friend, Lida, knit and sent to me so that I could copy the pattern. They are newborn size, so small on Bronwyn, but I am thinking of making them for a friend who is due to have a baby soon, and stretched out like this it's easier to see the pattern.

So, what do you think, Robin? Is it too girly? Or would it work for both a boy or a girl? :D Oooh, have boy-girl twins (again!), then I can make one patterned like this for the girl, and one plain for the boy... both in the same "sahara" color, so kind of matchy-matchy, but not. :) If you click on the photos, you should be able to see more detail on the socks. But remember, they won't be that stretched out on a newborn... look at the photo where Bronwyn has them loose in her hand for a better idea of how they'd look unstretched. :)

But remember, I don't knit as nice and tidy as Lida does. I've had less practice. :)

Aunt Nita's Giggle Wearing Aunt Nita's Boots

2009-04-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

Six Years Old

2009-04-01T23:15:00.000-07:00

I ♥ chunky baby legs in hand-knit socks

2009-03-29T17:47:00.000-07:00

Soms heb ik heimwee...

2009-03-22T01:39:00.000-07:00

en dan ineens is het over.

Don't be afraid. But be ready.

2009-03-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

As my friend Veracity says..

"Pray up. Stock up."

"Don't worry."

Like everyone else, we're all sick...

2009-03-02T13:37:00.000-08:00

It's a 14 day virus... Fanny came down with it first on the 17th and this is her first day well.

Bronwyn and Lydia got it for Bronwyn's birthday... they are on Day 10, so they have about four days left.

Jane and I are on Day 8... so hopefully only six more days and we'll feel better.

Mary is on Day 3... she still has a long road ahead. Fever is still high.

Elizabeth & Catherine haven't come down with it yet. I don't remember Catherine *ever* being sick, so hopefully she won't get it.

Bronwyn at One Year

2009-02-21T12:35:00.000-08:00

Penblwydd hapus, cariad!

Nine!

2009-02-19T23:37:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Sweetie Pie

Shack Wacky

2009-02-01T08:33:00.001-08:00

I think I'm figuring out what cabin fever feels like.

We have been snowed in for just over a week now. We have been without power, without heat, without diapers, without life sustaining medicine, without milk, without fruit and vegetables, without meat.

We've been living on pancakes made with water. We have water.

And I've realized, we could all be dead back here, and no one would know. We could be dead a week and no one would know.

Well, except for the fact I was able to text Steadfast "no power" with my dying cell phone (can't charge them without power, you know)... He is off in California with Elizabeth and Mary. Working hard while the girls stay with my parents. So he knew we had no power and our phones weren't working. Had the power stayed off, he would have noticed, and caught the next plane home.

When the power went back on, a sweet lady from church called. She asked how we were doing, and I told her we were unable to get out and we were without diapers or life sustaining medicine. And she said "okay, well, let us know if you need anything" and hung up. I wondered for a moment what would happen if I called her back and said "we need diapers and life sustaining medicine", but I didn't want her trying to get out here and getting stuck and freezing somewhere.

Steadfast called a colleague at work who came out in their SUV. They were unable to get through, but hiked down through the snow in their nice shoes and brought us diapers and shampoo. Bless their heart. I have cloth diapers, but I didn't have any power to run the washing machine, and washing diapers in below freezing temps is really hard on the hands.

I wonder how pioneers did it? Many did not even have a church family to forget about them. They didn't have phones to lose power. They were without those things to begin with. I remember in Laura Ingalls Wilder's book "The Long Winter" how they twisted straw all day long, without stopping, just to keep their fire going. We had no place for a fire, and our goats need all our hay. But I guess if we lived back then, we would have made sure to have a place for a fire. Thanks to Steadfast we have a healthy supply of firewood. Just no place to burn it. :) I know my cousin Brenda would have us just build a fire in the middle of the living room floor, wouldn't you Bren? :D I wonder, now, how much trouble I got into as a kid and it was actually her fault?

I remember the Ingalls family had to grind wheat in a little hand crank coffee grinder all day long without stopping, just to make enough meal to feed a family of five for supper (Mary was away at college). How blessed I am with my electric grain mill and 25 lbs of wheat berries! When that power came back on, I ground and ground in case the power would go back off again, which it did, a couple more times... but I had my canister of ground wheat! Bread making elitists would say "you should use it right after you grind it, it's not as healthy if you wait". Well. health, smealth. :D At least my children are not hungry. And surprisingly in all this, our chickens are still laying 3 eggs every two days. :D We're going to put eggs in those pancakes tonight!

Or maybe.... we have a bit of a thaw going. The 8-12 inches of snow in the driveway have shrunk to about 6-8 inches... I'm eyeing it, willing it to melt some more.... There is a tree weighted down with ice bent down across my driveway... if it pops back up after the ice has melted, we just might make a run for town... and La Rosas. Mmm... La Rosas. But first I'll make a stop for some life sustaining meds. And the package the FedEx guy called to say he'd leave at our neighbors' house yesterday, since he couldn't get to our house. I wonder what it is?

Lazy Meme

2009-01-08T10:22:00.000-08:00

Lifted this from Jenni over at One Thing (see my sidebar)
Fill free to lift it from me and copy it on your blog, then tell me so I can come see. :)

Just boldface the items that you HAVE done, and leave the rest normal….

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29 Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41 Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45 Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60 Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64 Donated blood, platelets, or plasma (not allowed to having lived in Europe during Mad Cow years)
65. Gone sky diving
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67 Bounced a check (when pregnantly scatterbrained I actually fished checks from a closed account from a burn pile wondering why on earth I put them there and used said checks at Vons)
68. Flown in a helicopter (and flown one)
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (there might be one at my sister's house)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone (Just two toes twice and a nose twice... never a cast)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79 Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (more than once or twice)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (more than once or twice)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby (seven live ones)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

2009-01-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

Playing Outside May Reduce Child's Risk of Needing Glasses - Get those kids out of the classroom and onto that playground! What good is reading, writing and 'rithmatic if you can't see to read, write or cipher? :)

Ten Months

2008-12-21T18:10:00.000-08:00

How fast do they grow???

2008-12-10T13:44:00.000-08:00

Way too fast, if you ask me.

Those are not Cheetos, BTW, they are Gerber Puffs.

2008-12-08T14:44:00.000-08:00

The Gordons playing "All My Tears"... beautiful, isn't it?
Here are the words:

When I go don't cry for me
In my fathers arms I'll be
The wounds this world left on my soul
Will all be healed and I'll be whole

Sun and moon will be replaced
With the light of Jesus' face
And I will not be ashamed
For my savior knows my name

It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away

Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from heaven's store
Come and drink and thirst no more

So weep not for me my friend
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to him
Who will raise the dead again

It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away

It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free.

Elizabeth on the pier

2008-12-08T10:02:00.000-08:00

Journey's End

2008-12-08T10:00:00.000-08:00

Tired Traveller

2008-12-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

Happy Traveller

2008-12-08T09:56:00.000-08:00

Nine Months

2008-11-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

Two!

2008-11-03T11:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Ukkie!

More goat pics (for mom)

2008-10-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

Steadfast with Telly and her babies... Toby & Tulip

Telly. She's a really, really, really neat goat.
Very friendly. A people goat.

Tulip (L) and Toby (R)

My birthday post for Joanne. :)

2008-10-28T16:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, I had a lovely birthday, thank you. :) The goats were my birthday gift from Steadfast, along with 25 red roses. We went to Bob Evans for dinner. Bob Evans is an Ohio chain kind of like IHOP only a little bit better quality, in my humble opinion, and they have more choices. We almost had our favorite waitress, Amy, but they put another person on our table. She came by to chat afterwards, though, and that was nice. :) Jane gave me three rosewood crochet hooks that are ornately carved and just beautiful. They are part of a new line of rosewood crochet hooks & knitting needles at Hobby Lobby. Elizabeth gave me a large basket that is big enough to use as a small laundry basket or a large knitting basket. Mary gave me a smaller basket that would hold a nice loaf of bread. Catherine gave me a nice big candle that smells of apricot and spices. Lydia gave me a crochet book on afghans. Fanny & Bronwyn each gave me a coffee cup... one red, one blue. I may post a pic later. :)

2008-10-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

Steadfast with Lydia, Catherine, and our goats.

The things I read....

2008-10-22T18:58:00.000-07:00

Cloth diapering unfriendly to the environment? UK study shows cloth diapering leaves a larger carbon footprint than disposable diapers.

Remnants of an October Afternoon

2008-10-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

I have to say the last two weeks of October are probably my favorite time of year. Not just because I get to have a birthday, then, either. I was born on a hot blustery day in southern California where autumn colors were rare. How much I enjoy the gift of these changing seasons!

Today we went to church, had lunch, put the babies down for their naps, and thus begun a blissful afternoon. I walked out to the pasture to see if Steadfast needed a hand with the new fence, or the new "bitty barn" (who's inhabitants will arrive in time for my birthday next weekend), and he said, no, he was just puttering around enjoying his afternoon at home after three weeks of travels.

And so I walked back, with an indignant Toast at my feet. We humans can be such a handful to keep track of, you know. And halfway through the path in the woods I was greeted by Elizabeth toting a phone that had my dear mom on the other end. I sat on the bench on the lawn (which affords the view above) and had a short chat with my mom & dad who were birthday shopping for Fanny.

After I hung up, I sat for a bit and enjoyed the view. Toast and Croissant lazing about in the sun on the front steps. The chickens scratching through the fallen leaves. The scent of smoke wafting from somewhere distant, carrying a whiff of hot dogs with it.

I went into the house to start our daily bread, set a pot of coffee, and grab one of my favorite authors, Gladys Taber, to return to the bench outside. I do love Mrs Taber's work, who penned these words in 1937, in The Book of Stillmeadow:

"The special gift of frosty gold days comes now; time to lay down the household tasks and shut the door on routine. For every October, when I see the trees over the meadow, I think, "I shall not look upon her like again." And every October is different, strange with new beauty."

And these:

"I wonder how much we ever really enjoy anything we have put no personal effort into. If we wove cloth, for instance, we should remember the long bright days of spinning, and the air and sun; and the sound of the wheel would all be in it, the songs we sang, the food we ate that time, what everybody said, how the puppy ran away with the wool. A whole warp and woof of memory would be there forever. But now a piece of cloth means only how tired my feet were and how hard it was to get waited on in the store."
And there's a hysterical story about two grown women chasing a baby pig for 40 minutes flying around a barn like windmills. If you have this book at your library, I highly recommend it. Even better, find a copy for your own to keep. It's written month by month about the adventures in a seventeenth-century Connecticut farmhouse in the 1930s. I love to look up the month I'm in when I'm out on the garden bench with a cup of coffee or glass of iced tea. :)

Heading out to dig post holes

2008-10-18T11:14:00.000-07:00

2008-10-09T13:26:00.000-07:00

"Autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower."
- Albert Camus

Going back to Hoover Days

2008-10-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

Here we go again... the ~~Bailout~~ Rescue Plan repeats history...

October 1929....

If the Federal Reserve had an inflationist attitude during the boom, it was just as ready to try to cure the depression by inflating further. It stepped in immediately to expand credit and bolster shaky financial positions. In an act unprecedented in its history, the Federal Reserve moved in during the week of the crash-the final week of October-and in that brief period added almost $300 million to the reserves of the nation's banks. During that week, the Federal Reserve doubled its holdings of government securities, adding over $150 million to reserves, and it discounted about $200 million more for member banks. Instead of going through a healthy and rapid liquidation of unsound positions, the economy was fated to be continually bolstered by governmental measures that could only prolong its diseased state.

-- America's Great Depression, Murray Rothbard

What kind of Micky Mouse operation is this?

For anyone who is interested, there is a timeline of the Great Depression here: America's Great Depression Timeline

The things I read....

2008-10-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

Not Yours To Give - Col. David Crockett, US Representative from Tennessee

Tolerance

2008-09-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

Someone recently asked of me, and others, what tolerance means within a large family.

I think our "tolerance" ties right into our philosophy of homeschooling... that God created each of us with a purpose, that He gave us gifts and interests that, if allowed to bloom, further our preparation for fulfilling that purpose. I think being in a large family *and* homeschooling is what gives my children the freedom to develop as they are meant to... without undue judgement, and with acceptance for who they are.

My 18 year old likes colorful outfits... and people may think she looks strange, but she seems to be a trendsetter. Her one week in public high school she wore striped leggings... before that week they were considered outlandish, after that week our small town was full of teen girls wearing striped leggings. I actually accompanied her last night to her University book store, as she had some textbook returns and needed my debit card to credit the return on. As we were walking down the stairs to the book store a woman coming the opposite direction stopped and said "oh my! don't you look cute!" to Jane - I asked if she often received compliments on her clothing, which she designs and sews herself, and she said "oh yes, I often have people asking me where I bought something, or if I made it myself, and if I sell the clothes I make" - so I have to think she's not *too* outlandish. :) Who knows, maybe it may be a source of income for her some day, and aren't I glad I didn't reign that in? Often she will sew something, or alter thrift store clothes in some way, because she can't find what she wants in stores... and 6-12 months later Target and Delias stores are FULL of that outfit.

A friend and I were driving to a Bible study one night, and she asked me, "do you ever think of telling Jane to tone it down?" and I said "what do you mean?" and she said "all those outlandish colors and patterns she wears and the funny looking hats" and I just said "why?" And she didn't answer me... I guess she figured I didn't get it. But I did know what she meant. The clothing creativity thing gives Jane joy... why would I rob her of it to be in favor of what is trendy now? Especially when she seems to be right on the cusp of what will be trendy tomorrow? Her sisters LOVE her talents, take delight when she creates something for them, or one of their dolls. No matter what the world might think of her... at home she is always thought wonderful and has eight adoring fans.

There is also the "many hands make light work" and "we're all in this together" philosophy that a large family can have. We help the younger ones learn to help. We are accepting of their limitations, we are patient with their mistakes. Older ones are expected to help younger ones.

If I'm helping Steadfast with something, and Fanny needs to go to bed, one will change her diaper, while someone else finds her favorite blankie, another will warm her bedtime cup of warm milk, another will help her drink it and brush her teeth, and yet another will tuck her in bed and turn on her Fisher Price aquarium and kiss her nite nite. She's whisked off in seconds and safely tucked in by five sets of loving hands who adore her. It's a job I prefer to savor myself, for our babies grow far too fast, and I love that one on one time the bedtime ritual brings, but it's a blessing to know the times I can't be there, she still feels warm and loved and cared for.

If I'm busy working on a sewing project I can say "can someone take care of dinner?" and suddenly there will be one teen in the kitchen, another teen in the garden plucking fresh cucumbers or tomatoes, a five year old keeping Fanny happy while a 7yo and 8yo quickly put a cloth on the table and set it. Same with dinner clean up... I can leave the table to go breastfeed Bronwyn, and come back to find the table cleared, the floor swept, the dishwasher humming, and pans soaking. Not all put upon one child... but work shared by five.

And they pass on their skills. Elizabeth used to be the egg gatherer, she passed it on to Catherine. Elizabeth used to empty the trash and Mary would put in a new bag. Mary now empties the trash and Catherine puts in a new bag. Jane and Elizabeth used to empty the dishwasher together, now Elizabeth and Mary do. Jane used to fix lunch for the littles, now Elizabeth does with Mary as her helper. These are "passings of the baton" that I never orchestrated... it's how the large family lives together, breathes together, works together, helps each other and teaches each other. Just as, in playing school, Mary helped Catherine learn to read Bob Books and in turn Catherine is teaching Lydia... because it's *fun* to teach your little sisters new things, and then share in those skills together.

It's not that the children do all the work, and I do none of it. In a large family there is enough work to keep me busy 24 hours a day, and still have enough work left over to share. Even with school work AND chores, they have more free time than chore time. :) After all they need that free time to develop their own interests and talents that God has given them to nurture. :)

The things I read....

2008-09-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

Glenn Beck on the economy... from seven months ago. Think we're at Defconomy Three?

Catherine - Self-portrait

2008-09-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

Catherine

2008-09-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Sweet Seven Year Old!

2008-09-05T12:06:00.000-07:00

Two Months from Two

2008-09-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

Fanny is 22 months old today. A few days ago I was busy doing some homeschool record keeping on my laptop... engrossed in some tiny, but important, details... when I felt her climb up next to me and snuggle into my side. I turned, and this was the view I had... she had put a hair band in her hair, a hair elastic on her arm as a bracelet, put her big sister's necklace around her neck, taken her bowl of (dry) Cheerios from the table, her favorite book and blankie... and hunkered down for the long haul. I suddenly had the feeling my baby had grown up, and I am so glad I'm at home with her, and did not miss one second of her babyhood. When I was a working mom I had many regrets. Since I've come home, I've not had one.

The things I read....

2008-08-29T00:37:00.000-07:00

Colin Brazier reports in the Daily Mail on "Why the middle classes must have bigger families." The man himself is incredibly blessed with five daughters... So you know that scores brownie points in my book. ;)

Why we allow God to plan our family size.

2008-08-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

( Allow? Allow God? Who am I to allow God? )

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5, 6

Sometimes people ask me what scripture we base our family size on.

I think they expect me to quote verses like

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” - Psalm 127:3-5

Or to quote all the "Be fruitful and multiply" verses.

Or they expect me to recant how, throughout the Bible, God considers children a blessing to be desired (in the stories of Abraham & Sarah... of Isaac & Rebecca... of Rachel & Leah... of Hannah)

But for us it was not only what we found in scripture, but in looking at God's original perfect design. He did not create birth control. He made us to *naturally* have many babies. There was a study last year that showed our bodies actually do not do well menstruating month after month, because they were not intended to do that. They were created to have babies.

Generations were intended to overlap - Families were meant to be a seamless garment. God did not create The Generation Gap... humans did. Now that our children have an age span of 6 months to 18 years, I see clearly how God intended that in His creation the older children would come along side the aging parents and "fill in the gap"... that older children would grow comfortable with babies before moving on to have their own babies. That the younger children would grow comfortable with nieces and nephews before moving on to have their own babies...

It was an incredible feeling to feel the immense relief and joy we felt when we fully gave it all over to God. I never thought there would be such freedom when we let go of the "should we have more, shouldn't we" have more children decision, and gave it over to God. It was such a relief to let go of it, and let Someone far wiser take over.

God's plans are perfect... Baby after baby I have seen how perfect those plans are. It fills one with peace to know that there is an entire Bible full of all those scriptures that illuminate it as His perfect and flawless plan.

He created our fallopian tubes... how could I go and cut them and tie them? Are there any other parts of our body that we decide to go and *make them* stop working? Why would I mess with His design when His design is perfect? He is not going to let me give birth to any people He doesn't want existing... why would I take that power onto myself? WHO am I to tell Him who is necessary or unnecessary on this earth? He knows far better than I do! He sees the past, present and future. He knows the plans He has set out. It just seems crazy for me to want to interfere with my limited vision.

No, pregnancy is not easy. I have had hyperemesis gravidarum so bad I have been dangerously dehydrated and lost 36 lbs. I have had a few miscarriages that I have grieved. I have had gestational diabetes, and pre-eclampsia. I was told to abort Catherine to save my own life. Nevertheless, these experiences have only been opportunities for God to show me His grace! If we have life so perfect, why would we need God?

Both Elizabeth and Jane are my right hand women. If I am sick with morning sickness, or recovering with much pain from a cesarean section, I do not even have to say a word, but my big girls take over, cook dinner and get babies to bed! I will be lying down thinking "I need to get up and start something in the kitchen" and when I arrive in the kitchen, dinner is already started! My children are such an immense blessing! It is not just words to say, "Children are a blessing"... they actually are!

When they are all young it is easy to lose sight that we'll reap rewards for our efforts. A two, 3, 4, 5 year old can be such a tyrant/mess maker/whiner! Yet as they get older, the family unit works together so that the burden is lighter. The joys are multiplied, the burdens are divided. You have multiple people who think your baby is just as cute as you think she is. You have multiple people who see the toddler do something cute, and laugh with you for days afterwards. You have multiple people to make sure the 4 year old does not make a huge toothpaste mess while brushing her teeth. You have multiple people to keep an eye on the babies during naptime so you can go for a swim or take a nap yourself. You have multiple people to help fold laundry, clear the dinner table, weed the garden, and, not only does it make less work, but it makes the work that there is far more enjoyable.

People ask, “When you have so many children how do you make sure they get enough attention?” Are you kidding? Do you know how many hugs and kisses are lavished on people in this house? I can guarantee you that my 21 month old gets far more hugs and laps and boo-boos kissed and books read to her at home in a large family than she would have, had I not had her siblings and had I instead put her in a daycare, and went off to work. You really do not need to worry about my children getting enough attention.  Not only do they have a mom at home with ready arms, they have six playmates and friends who have learned how to co-exist peacefully!

I planted a small garden this year... Catherine and Lydia seize any weed that dares come up. Mary and Catherine are both eager to water at the slightest sign of wilt... mostly so they can get each other wet, but hey, the plants benefit. Together we sat eagerly waiting with our toast and mayo, waiting for those tomatoes to be just right for our first tomato sandwich of the season.

My older kids reinforce good character in the younger ones... the burden does not all fall on us as parents. They reinforce by example, they reinforce by telling the stories of the consequences they suffered when they made a bad decision, they reinforce by knowing the rules of this house, and gently guiding the younger siblings with "Papa said..." or "Mama said..."

The older ones include the younger ones in baking bread, in playing games, in doing hair, in holding baby chicks. They comfort them when they are sad. They read stories to them. Though I may feel stretched mothering such a large span of ages that have different needs and different appointments here and there… In other things, my burden is much lighter. I often look at my children interacting together, the older heads bent down beside the younger ones, and I feel so full to bursting, so immensely blessed, so incredibly rich... with blessings pressed down, shaken together, and spilling over... even with awful morning sickness, miscarriages, high risk pregnancies due to several health issues and living with multiple sclerosis... The shadows of those "sufferings" pale by far in the Light of His Grace.

The things I read....

2008-08-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

The Wall Street Journal reports On the Virtues of Making Your Children Do the Dishes.

Catherine (6) and Bronwyn (6 months)

2008-08-21T15:15:00.000-07:00

Today Bronwyn turned half a year! She celebrated by getting her first tooth, and is already starting on a second. She is 16 lbs 8 oz (7484g) and 26 inches (66cm).... still breastfed only, no solids yet. She grabs everything in her reach, and is learning to sit... still a bit wobbly, but getting there! :)

(And yes, that's a pile of unfolded laundry behind them. It's real life, here. )

Love how this shot shows her chunky "little" legs...

2008-08-11T16:31:00.000-07:00

She was bemused by the camera... she kept leaning to look around it to smile at me, so of course all the smiling shots show only half of her face.
She is so incredibly snuggly. Every time she reaches up her round little arms, wanting to be picked up, my heart melts into a puddle and I can never refuse. :)

Bronwyn - almost 5 months

2008-07-18T21:00:00.001-07:00

Our babies

2008-07-15T12:48:00.000-07:00

Seventeen

2008-07-10T09:24:00.001-07:00

Seventeen years ago today I gave birth to my second born, whose name is (really) Rebecca. It was my only homebirth, and it was smooth, and swift and golden in my memories. I had stayed up until midnight bleaching the kitchen and bathroom from top to bottom, and washing every single thing in the house that was washable. After I hung my last load of laundry "op zolder" I fell into bed at exactly midnight. At exactly 1 am I woke with a contraction and the contractions stayed regular and steady as I sat there on the edge of my bed watching the night sky until the sun came up, and then I woke Steadfast who called the doctor (doctors make house calls in the Netherlands) and his parents to come get our firstborn and whisk her away until the excitement was over.

Dr Siersema arrived with her gentle ways and quiet voice and said yes, it was time to call a nurse to assist, and to have a baby. The nurse arrived and made tea and Steadfast and the two women sat and drank tea in front of me and made small talk, which I found greatly annoying because I had reached transition by this time and just wanted to concentrate alone in my bubble... facing backwards on my knees in a rocking chair rocking in a beam of sunlight through each wave of pain... I asked them if they could please be quiet and Steadfast said I was being too serious, and I said "because I have to push" - and at this tea cups were set hastily aside and the work began.

She was a girl. And I was shocked. She had been so active and felt so much longer in utero than her older sister. I was sure she was the wrong baby and Dr Siersema said "I can't put her back, she's yours to keep"... and obviously, born at home, she could not have been switched. I don't remember really meeting her. I don't know where she was while I got the 14 inner and 9 outer stitches where I had torn from ship to shore. The "kraamtijd" was not restful, as the nurse was new and inexperienced and I had a 1 yo to take care of. The nurse was there for a week and when she left, I found a dirty coffee cup she had left and I just laid on the ground and cried for an hour.. how was I going to take care of two babies and wash a coffee cup?

Little did I know that was the beginning of a long bout with post-partum depression. My life became a joyless monotany of changing diapers and feeding babies and making dinner and doing dishes. I wanted to sleep forever.

I had no friends in that strange land. I had a father-in-law who believed real Christians don't get depressed and so Steadfast was ashamed of me. It was a long dark tunnel of hopelessness. And I was isolated and alone.

My first memory of Rebecca is of when she was about nine months old and she was sitting on my bedroom floor crying and I was staring emotionless at her thinking "why doesn't her mother care for her"... I probably watched her cry for a good five minutes and then I realized, I was her mother. I picked her up and comforted her, but I still did not *feel* I was her mother...

When she was around 15 months old the sun broke through the darkness and I looked at her cute chubbiness and adored her... love was born that illuminated the darkness of that despair and chased it away into the far corners of my heart.

For years after that, she was one who often needed hugs and cuddles. I try to remember if I did cuddle her in that foggy time. I hope I did. I can't remember.... in those months I operated out of habit and routine... I functioned as a robot. Was it in my habit and routine to hold her a while after I had nursed her? Did I ever smile at her? Did I ever smother her with kisses as I have done her sisters?

Writing this causes a waterfall of tears to stream down my face. I so miss those lost months. Here is my tall beautiful girl whose babyhood I barely remember. A couple of weeks ago I could look at my first born on her 18th birthday and say "here's my grown girl, I remember when she was born and her hair curled from the damp and she looked up at me with those great eyes and I was smitten". I grieve that I don't remember meeting Becca.

I hope over the years we have made up for those lost first moments. She is a gem of a girl. Quick to help, level-headed... probably the most level-headed of all the womenfolk in this household. While I have been her teacher, and the teacher of her sisters, she has often been the one to teach me... she has taught me everything from being honest with myself ("I can't say that" "you can, Mama, you just don't want to") - to how to crop a photo in Paint... I treasure the moments she allows me to see the world through her eyes, because they often bring an "a ha!" moment with them that illuminates something that was once hidden... but should not be.

Just as Christ illuminates our souls and reveals what is there, that should not be. Where was Christ in Becca's baby years? I felt much abandoned by God in my first years of marriage. But I know He was there. I think without Him, I would have fallen much further from hope than I did. Without Him, I don't think Hope would have ever returned. Since Becca I've had a couple more brushes with post-partum depression, but none as deep and dark or as long as that bout was.

Dear Becca. I love you more than a mother's heart can contain. I am so immensely proud of you. I love the pretty pictures you take. I love your wry sense of humor. I love having another Jane Austen fan in our home. I do cherish the memories I do have of your childhood, and I admire the woman you are becoming. You were an adorable baby... your smiles broke through my gloom, and they still light up my life... even though now it is filled with joys overflowing... the joy of being your mother is one of the greatest gifts God could have ever given me.

#1 Nephew

2008-07-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

Here is my #1 nephew.

Not number one because he's my favorite, because I can't have favorites, but because he's the very first nephew I ever had. He is the kind of nephew you look at and your heart swells and you think "what a good kid he is!" because he really is a good kid and the apple of his aunties' eyes. I can't find a single fault with him at all. Except, maybe, the fact that he climbs to really high places, which doesn't do my heart a bit of good.

He will be 22 next month. Wow. And I still remember a 2 yo with a little noggin head (that he couldn't reach the top of with his little hands, by the way), who would clean up his toys to make his mommy come home from work.. after all, when she'd call to say she was on her way, we'd say "let's pick up the toys Jeff" and when we did that, there she'd be! So when he thought it was time for her to come (even if it wasn't) he would start cleaning...

He's still good at cleaning.

And I remember him sitting next to me in his car seat on a rainy drive, staring at me while I chanted "I'm the vindow viper and I come to vipe your vindows!". He was such a serious little guy. You could never tell if you were entertaining him or scaring him.

But he's learned to smile since then. ;)

Toast

2008-07-04T15:52:00.000-07:00

2008-07-03T20:54:00.000-07:00

Here is my brother-in-law having too much fun at a wedding in Colorado.

He really lives in Oregon with his wife, my sister. :)

2008-07-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

Here is my sister having too much fun without me.

These are naturally occurring potholes in Oregon.

Hi LaRue! I miss you!

Fanny without glasses

2008-06-30T16:14:00.000-07:00

Oh, how I love this mug!

I think, perhaps, she looks like me. ;)

Fanny as a Mini-Jane

2008-06-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

Those were Jane's old glasses, not her most recent prescription, but Fanny was oh-so-careful with them... taking itsy bitsy steps and hardly daring to move as she slowly spun for the camera. As soon as they started to slip, she grabbed them off, not touching the glass, and handed them over to Jane with a "here!" - she didn't want that much responsibility on her tiny shoulders. :D

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

2008-06-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

We have four cats... one is missing from the gap. :) From left to right... Crumpet, Toast & Muffin. Croissant did not make it into the pic.

2008-06-27T17:43:00.000-07:00

She Does Hair

2008-06-26T18:16:00.000-07:00

Here is a fun blog for mamas (and others) who have little girls with hair to style: http://www.shedoeshair.blogspot.com/

Yes. Bliss. :)

2008-06-25T01:12:00.000-07:00

Four months

2008-06-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

Eighteen years ago I became mom....

2008-06-18T09:57:00.001-07:00

...to this lovely young lady. (I'm mom to both of those lovelies, actually) :)

Bed in Summer

2008-06-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

"In winter I get up at night
And dress by yellow candle-light.
In summer quite the other way,
I have to go to bed by day.

I have to go to bed and see
The birds still hopping on the tree,
Or hear the grown-up people's feet
Still going past me in the street.

And does it not seem hard to you,
When all the sky is clear and blue,
And I should like so much to play,
To have to go to bed by day?"

- Robert Louis Stevenson

Heat of the Moment

2008-06-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

31,000 scientists reject 'global warming' agenda.
(click link to read article)

Being a mom with babies at my age (42) isn't so bad after all....

2008-06-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

"Many centenarian women have a history of bearing children after the age of 35 years and even 40 years. From our studies, a woman who naturally has a child after the age of 40 has a 4 times greater chance of living to 100 compared to women who do not. It is probably not the act of bearing a child in one's forties that promotes long life, but rather, doing so may be an indicator that the woman's reproductive system is aging slowly and that the rest of her body is as well. Such slow aging and the avoidance or delay of diseases that adversely impact reproduction would bode well for the woman's subsequent ability to achieve very old age."

(Source: Perls T, Alpert L, Fretts R. Middle aged mothers live longer. Nature 1997;389:133.)

More Eggs!

2008-06-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

2008-06-05T20:06:00.000-07:00